I have a confession—I’ve been in an overly introspective mood lately. Now, me admitting to a little rumination won’t surprise those who know me well. A logical response is “so what? You’ve been running around inside your brain and overthinking things for your entire life.” True. However, my navel-gazing exercises typically revolve around topics like (1) Do I have enough plastic worms to catch fish and feed us if the bomb falls? (2) Why don’t they remake Lonesome Dove with Tom Hanks and Denzel? or (3) Will the Red Sox EVER have a big-league shortstop again? Maybe I’m getting earnest in my old age, but my thought patterns recently wandered in a more substantial direction—what is truly valuable over the course of a lifetime?

Yeah. I know. This is a BIG topic. However, I was compelled to investigate, and invested a few days evaluating my life experiences. As you might expect, this was a messy process. If I share everything I wrote in my journal, I’m sure my family would immediately find one of those websites offering online psychological help and call their emergency number. To protect myself, I’ll spare everyone the details and jump right to my conclusion.

In this life, there are three true commodities—time, integrity, and love.

Let’s talk about time first. Time can’t be manufactured or purchased. We all receive an allotment to use over a lifetime. The problem is, none of us know how much we are allocated or the quality of the time we have until, well, we know. One day life’s clipping along swimmingly, the next day you’re laid up with appendicitis, a broken bone, or something worse. Accidents, aging parents, and family crises pop up with infuriating frequency and unpredictability, stealing away our carefully laid out plans. For parents, children are a time conundrum—they suck away your hobbies and social life, bringing you to the point of exhaustion and benign insanity. Concurrently, you want to cherish and spend every moment with them. Plus, from their first breath your child’s primary mission is to become independent and arc out of your life. There is a natural expiration date for your daily interactions and parental influence.

On top of everything else, time cannot be reclaimed. When the moment is over, the moment is over. If you choose to stay at work and skip family dinner, you will never get the dinner back. Given this reality, the obvious conclusion is to use your time as wisely as possible. Cherish the season, avoid procrastination, and honor each second you get. I’m not always successful doing this, but I try to follow the advice of one of my favorite quotes— “Live each day as if it were your last, because one day you’re bound to be right.”

If I share everything I wrote in my journal, I’m sure my family would immediately find one of those websites offering online psychological help and call their emergency number.

Integrity is a loaded word and can mean a lot of things. There is, of course, the basic “be honest” approach to life. Don’t steal, mistreat others, or cheat. This is the easiest part of the integrity spectrum to enforce. There are rules, laws, and expected behaviors governing our outward actions. When transgressions are discovered, perpetrators can face consequences related to their freedom, employment, and/or personal relationships. Ask anyone who ever was caught cheating on on a test or lying to a spouse. There’s also a type of integrity based on how you treat others and your true inner motivations. Do I express a false appreciation of another person’s successes and talents when, in fact, I’m green with envy? Did I make a particular decision to protect myself rather than confront a difficult situation? Am I being fair? Do I want what’s best for me or what’s best for everyone? Am I hurting the other person with my actions? Am I falling back on the “no one will ever know so it’s probably okay” defense?

A lot of folks will argue we’re working in the gray area here and there is room for interpretation. The thing is, you can’t fool the heart. I’m rarely in doubt about whether my actions are properly motivated. I know when I’m being devious, sarcastic, or dishonest. I’m always aware if I’m withholding the truth. Whenever I’ve done something I’m not proud of, the emotional hangover eats at me like a parasite. I suspect this is true for others too. Not to be excessively morose, but when I’m standing in line for the final judgment, the only possession I’ll have is how I conducted my life.

The third commodity in life is love. This, I believe, is the trickiest of the three. For some, the messiness of life often denies them the opportunity to receive love. They can’t control how others feel about them or how those emotions are expressed. The result is, they miss at least some of the benefits love can bring. However, there’s also the side of love we can completely influence through our own actions—the giving of love to others. This, of course, can take the form of romantic and familial love. But we can also express love through friendship and in basic interactions. Showing respect to others, offering a listening ear, making a check-in phone call, or realizing the jerk who just cut us off in traffic may be dealing with something completely unconnected to their driving habits, are all expressions of love. We can offer compassion and understanding. When we do this, we claim this commodity for ourselves. From my perspective, giving and receiving love completes the human experience.

Before I continue, I want to make sure everyone understands two things. First, this is my list. I understand others may not agree with my conclusion or relate to a three-item, simplified view of life. Secondly, I’ve failed, many times, with using my time wisely, practicing integrity, and demonstrating my love for others. I will fail again. I do find comfort in knowing I can work and improve my attitudes towards these three raw materials for living.

Okay, enough being serious. Next month I’ll go back to lighter topics, something about movies, food, or the time I rode a Greyhound bus from Virginia to Maine. In the meantime, will someone tell me how and when the Red Sox are going to find their shortstop?

Steven Rogers’ award-winning novel “Into the Room” is available in paperback, on Kindle, and as an audiobook. If you’d like to order a copy, please visit Amazon or his website:  https://steven-rogers.com/

May News from Steve

Book me to speak at your charity event! I have a new offer for those who would like to raise money for their non-profit organization. I’ll come to speak to your group and then offer copies of Into the Room for sale. For every book purchased, 50% of all proceeds will be donated to the charity. These talks can be in person or virtually. For more information, contact me through my website or email me at rogerssteven334@gmail.com.

I’m looking forward to my next speaking engagement at the South Richmond Rotary Club on Thursday, June 20^th.

The editing process for A Year in the Room is moving steadily along and I’m eagerly awaiting the book’s publication. I’ll have more information on the release date soon.

If you enjoy my columns and don’t want to miss one, please subscribe by filling out the “Follow Steve” block on my website: https://steven-rogers.com/.

Book of the Month

I often visit my local library and meander through the stacks, looking for books I find interesting. Last month I picked up a real gem—The Last Green Valley by Mark Sullivan. The book centers on Adeline and Emil Martel who, along with their two young sons, were refugees during the final months of World War II. The reader travels along with the family as they flee from the Russian Army and abandon their life in Ukraine.

While this epic tale is a novel, the events are based on a real family and Sullivan has, as much as the available history allows, told their actual story. As the Martels migrate across Europe, first by wagon and then by train, they overcome hunger, illness, and the dangers of war. Their perseverance and courage are a testament to the power of a family’s love. For me, The Last Green Valley is a definite “must read.”

Thank you for reading!