I recently decided to test a personal theory. In the area of holiday decorations, I believe there are two types of people in the world—those who want to decorate tastefully and those who want to be more festive in their holiday displays. Invariably, they marry eachother.

First, some background. Left to my own devices, I would happily hang blinking lights, of various colors, from every eave, porch railing, and tree at our home. These would be augmented by blow up Santas, a Grinch figurine, some sort of waving snowman, maybe a small herd of reindeer, and whatever else I could find to celebrate the season. However, my wife Kathy, who I refer to as “The Committee,” has vetoed all past efforts. Instead, our front door is tastefully draped in wreaths and non-blinking white lights. The closest I ever get to my wishes is pushing a button on our Christmas tree and changing the lights to red, green, and blue when our grandson is visiting. If the Committee’s not around, I make the lights either blink or gradually fade from one color to another.

To test my premise, I did an informal survey asking folks to rate their decorating preference on a ten-point scale, with one being “Extremely Tasteful” and ten being “Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation.” I was shocked by the answers. I received about thirty responses and, except for me and Kathy, spouses were generally aligned on how to decorate. Most were within two or three numbers of each other on the ten-point scale. She and I are at least eight numbers apart. My theory crashed and burned.

Besides me, only three individuals graded themselves above a five on the ten-point scale. One said he was not quite at Clark Griswold’s level but enjoyed putting up decorations reflecting a “three inside and seven outside.” Another encouraged “going all in” and sent a picture of his own decorations, which centered on Marvel action figures and Ninja Turtles. The third is the priest at my church. The esteemed Father Ken unknowingly responded during a recent Sunday sermon, when he directly expressed his admiration for Clark Griswold and then described his own display, including the Grinch, Max the dog, Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, and “lots of lights.” He concluded his message wondering how to fill the half of his yard not currently blanketed in Christmas decorations.

“For the record, a stuffed Yukon Cornelius is not tacky.”

Despite the four outliers, I’m forced to conclude that most folks prefer tasteful and respectable holiday decorations. I find this confusing, especially when I think about  the popularity of a local Richmond phenomenon—the famous “Tacky House Tour.”

The Tour is an annual highlight of Richmond’s Holiday Season and consists of a collection of houses that are, shall we say, enthusiastically decorated for Christmas. To qualify for the tour, the local newspaper, The Richmond Times-Dispatch, requires a formal nomination through the paper’s website with the condition that all qualifying houses must display a MINIMUM of 40,000 lights. From there, some mysterious group of reporters, editors, and staffers determine which houses are worthy. When they’re done, they provide a detailed list including addresses and even a map to chart out your tour. For some perspective, this year’s completed list includes close to eighty homes that are either inside the city limits, or in the surrounding counties.

To describe the average Tacky House is difficult. The only consistent trait is enough illumination to play a night baseball game and a “wait there’s more?” amazement when visiting a location. Some are a mish mash of lights, pop culture figures, Santa’s Sleighs (either on the roof, dangling from a tree, or mixed in with everything else on the ground), and possibly a nativity scene. Others have a theme—all Santa, or all pop culture characters, or maybe only one color of lights. There are houses with their own radio stations playing carols that you can tune in to while you’re visiting. One I’ve seen has blinking lights and the pattern is synchronized to a series of classic songs playing through their radio frequency. There’s often a sign or two pointing to the North Pole, Santa’s Workshop, Bethlehem, or offering Holiday greetings. More than a few have donation boxes to help offset the seasonally astronomical electricity costs.

There are several ways to go see the lights. It’s easy enough to map out your own tour using the addresses published in the newspaper. Kathy and I did this for years when the kids were young. We enjoyed many fun family nights for the cost of a little gas, and either a fast-food dinner before or ice cream after. However, there are plenty of opportunities to have a more upscale evening. Every local limousine service offers cars, vans, or buses with a driver to chauffer groups around. This helps with navigation, traffic, parking, and, for those inclined to indulge, the consumption of adult beverages. Kathy and I hired a van to drive us, the kids, and our future son-in-law around for the evening to celebrate our thirtieth wedding anniversary. We had a great time and the night was worth the cost.

Given the unmitigated and ongoing success of the Tour, I wonder if my survey respondents, at least those here in Virginia, are being fully honest with their answers. Maybe they are hiding their true decorating desires behind the need to be socially acceptable or, possibly, the requirements of their neighborhood covenants. The classic NIMBY concept applied to holiday celebrations. Either way, I’m skeptical.

For the second part of my survey, I asked folks about the tackiest decoration they’ve ever seen. The most interesting responses included a thirty-foot-tall Santa, Halloween skeletons decked out in Christmas garb, and a shady-looking Santa visiting Mary and Joseph. A few went “over the top,” even for me. Most involved Santa either entering or leaving a porta potty and one consisted of an inflatable Santa sitting on a toilet and reading a newspaper. One person claimed, “no Christmas decoration is too tacky.” Another offered a clarification— “For the record, a stuffed Yukon Cornelius is not tacky.” For those who don’t know, Yukon Cornelius is the affable prospector from the 1964 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer television movie.

My favorite outside decoration ever was displayed at the condo my son was renting while he was in college. He and his roommates had salvaged a snowman made of wires and lights. The thing was four feet tall and had arms hanging from the body. While the snowman could no longer stand upright, they hung the thing above the stoop, his arms stretched out like some prisoner being punished in a medieval torture chamber. The sight of that used-up decoration hanging thirty feet above the ground still makes me laugh.

Given this reality, I believe I know why Kathy and I differ on our decorating philosophies. Clearly, my wife has advanced beyond her youth and, well, she grew up. My decorating style has never progressed beyond those of your average college junior. This realization, of course, leaves a conundrum. I’ll never change The Committee’s mind and convince her to adorn our home with flashy lights, plastic figurines, or a picture of reindeer playing poker. So, what do I do? After careful consideration, I think I’ve solved the problem. I’ll simply help Father Ken with the other half of his lawn. He lives far enough from me that Kathy will never know.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to all.

Steven Rogers’ is the author or the award-winning novel “Into the Room” and its sequel, “A Year in the Room.” To order a copy, please visit Amazon or his website:  steven-rogers.com

December News from Steve

The response to my second novel, A Year in the Room, has been amazing! One Amazon reviewer wrote this— “Through endearing characters, the story speaks to the trials we all face in our lives at one time or another and the struggles we experience as we try to discern a path forward. Funny, sarcastic, and touching, the author has written a must-read sequel to his first book.”

A Year in the Room continues the story of Ben Cahill from the award-winning Into the Room, as he works on his recovery and strives to put his life back together. In addition, Ben travels to the legendary Scottish Island of Iona on an unexpected pilgrimage. A Year in the Room is available on Amazon (https://amzn.to/4elNi7P) or though my website at steven-rogers.com.

A special thanks to The John Reid Show, Make Studio RVA, PJ Net TV, the Dominion Energy Shenandoah Valley Retiree Group, the Joy Neal Kidney Author Blog, and Christ Church Episcopal in Glen Allen, Virginia. During November and December, I enjoyed participating in live interviews, book talks, or being profiled in newsletters about my writing journey and A Year in the Room.

These are my upcoming speaking engagements or blog opportunities:

• December 29, 2024: speaking at New Hampton Community Church in New Hampton, New Hampshire
• January 18, 2025: book talk at the Christ Church Episcopal, Glen Allen, Virginia, Men’s Breakfast.
• February 14, 2025: book talk at The Book Lover’s Gourmet bookstore in Webster, Massachusetts
• February 16, 2025: sermon/book talk at Church of the Reconciliation in Webster, Massachusetts
• March 2025: interview on the blog of author Deena Adams
• April 29, 2025: guest blog for the American Christian Fiction Writers
• May 2025: interview on the blog of author Linda Matchett
• October 2025: guest blog for the American Christian Fiction Writers 

As you can probably guess, I love speaking to book clubs, civic organizations, Bible studies, at churches, and to any type of community gathering. If you’re interested in having me as a speaker, please contact me through my website, steven-rogers.com.

If you enjoy my columns and don’t want to miss one, please subscribe by filling out the “Follow Steve” block on my website: steven-rogers.com.

If you’re interested in an autographed copy of either A Year in the Room or Into the Room, contact me through my website, steven-rogers.com.

Book of the Month

What do you get when you bring an elderly widow, an aimless young man, and curmudgeonly giant Pacific octopus together? The answer is simple—a warm, touching, funny, and charming story. Shelby Van Pelt’s Remarkably Bright Creatures is full of surprises, mystery, and wit. As I read the story I was completely absorbed in the narrative and the skillful storytelling about how our past impacts the present day and the power of redemption. This book is a stunning combination of realism and optimism.

I don’t want to ruin the plot by providing any additional details. This gem should be discovered word-by-word and page-by-page.

Thank you for reading!