* – But no one Dies Hard on The Polar Express

December. The holidays. A month-long race through shopping, wrapping, parties, decorating, pageants, eating, and family gatherings. Everything in the world turns red and green, including our clothes, coffee cups, and cookies. Many of us have extra activities at church and try to set aside time for reflection on the true meaning of the season. There’s barely an opportunity to breathe.

Fortunately, we can always find a respite through one of our magnificent holiday traditions. In addition to making us laugh, cry, reflect, and celebrate, this tradition creates annual events no one will ever want to miss. It stimulates fun-filled debates and reminds us who we are or who we want to be. I’m speaking, of course, about the Christmas Movie.

I recently did an informal survey, asking participants to name their favorite Christmas Movie. I expected responses to focus on ten-or-so well-known films. I was wrong. People mentioned over forty different titles. Yes, there were the classics we all know and love, but there were also productions from Finland, Germany, and France (all mentioned by US-based respondents.) Over half the choices received only one or two votes. There were also specific distinctions made in relation to Charles Dicken’s A Christmas Carol. Some wanted the George C. Scott version, some the Reginald Owen version, and one the 1970 musical version Scrooge, starring Albert Finney. For the record, the musical version is my favorite, if for no other reason than the Ghost of Christmas Present’s signature song “I Like Life.”

The top vote getter for favorite Christmas Movie was Jimmy Stewart’s 1946 It’s a Wonderful Life. While the result didn’t shock me, I was expecting the winning film to be younger than seventy-seven years old. Still, I totally understand the results. I think we all love the idea represented by George Bailey. He’s an ordinary man who lives in relative obscurity, reminding us that acts of service and kindness can impact the world in extraordinary ways. Although the overall tone is corny and idealistic, Jimmy Stewart displays legitimate anger, frustration, and desperation as he portrays George Bailey. We see a man who’s not Hollywoodized or too good to be true, bringing balance and credibility to the story.

For several years, we went to see It’s a Wonderful Life at the Bryd Theater here in Richmond. The Byrd opened in 1928, and, at Christmastime, the old Wurlitzer organ rises from the stage and plays Carols before the film starts playing. Priceless.

The number two vote getter was Elf. To be honest, I initially found the choice a bit disappointing. Not because Elf isn’t appealing or fun. I think my reaction was because the plotline is, from start to finish, a hair away from being too absurd to enjoy. Will Ferrell, who plays the title character, agrees. He’s quoted as saying, “As I was running around New York City in my yellow tights I was thinking ‘this could be my last movie.’” 

After reading some online retrospectives, I now understand why people love Elf. First and foremost, you can watch with your family without worrying about hitting pause or keeping your thumb permanently poised over the fast-forward button. Secondly, the cast includes Oscar winner Mary Steenburgen, James Caan, who portrays Sonny Corleone as a book publisher, and Bob Newhart, who is arguably the most beloved TV actor of all time. Their characters somehow interact with a six-foot refugee from Santa’s workshop without either breaking out in laughter or screaming “come on, really?” into the camera. Plus, we get to see Peter Dinklage go crazy and attack Will Ferrell by hurling himself across a conference room table. To top things off, Zooey Deschanel sings like an angel. I mean, this is Hollywood gold.

The few people who voted for the Muppets were particularly firm in their choice. One even sent a message with the threat “you better include The Muppet Christmas Carol in your column or else.” She didn’t explain what the “or else” was, but I’m not taking any chances.

The number three vote getter was White Christmas. IMDb describes the 1954 production as follows— a successful song-and-dance team becomes romantically involved with a sister act and team up to save the failing Vermont inn of their former commanding general. Basically, a Hallmark movie before there were Hallmark movies. Of course, your typical 2023 big-city-girl-finds-small-town-love schmaltz doesn’t star Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney. For those of us over the age of sixty, these are bona-fide entertainment legends. In addition, White Christmas shares its title with the bestselling Christmas single of all time. Bing Crosby’s solo version of the song is estimated to have sold fifty million copies worldwide.

Interestingly, the song “White Christmas” had a radio debut on Christmas day 1941, was  performed in the 1942 movie Holiday Inn, and again in a 1946 movie called Blue Skies. By the time Crosby sang “White Christmas” in the 1954 movie it was already a classic. In fact, “White Christmas” won the 1943 Academy Award for “Best Music, Original Song.” Amazingly, composer Irving Berlin was the presenter as well as the winner and ended up bestowing the Oscar to himself— “I’m particularly proud to present this next award, it’s someone I’ve known for a good many years. He’s a nice kid and I think deserves it.”

Two other movies received enough votes to make the “second tier.” The first was Home Alone, a boundlessly entertaining suburban fantasy. Of course, you need to suspend belief enough to accept that two parents, an aunt and uncle, and a brood of siblings/cousins could drive to the airport, check-in, go through security, and board a jet before missing an obnoxious, attention-loving eight-year-old child. I know they were rushed and all, but someone should have figured things out before the aircraft was halfway across the Atlantic. Of course, if they had we’d never get to see Joe Pesci’s hair catch on fire or understand why the line “keep the change, you filthy animal” is iconic.

The other second-tier winner was Love, Actually and I totally understand why. The ensemble cast is fantastic, there’s a storyline for everyone, and the word love is used in the broadest of terms. The plotline explores more than simple romantic relationships. I find Love, Actually worth watching solely to see Colin Firth propose to his former housekeeper and Bill Nighy sing naked behind an electric guitar.

As I mentioned above, the survey revealed a wide range of movies and I’d be negligent not to mention A Christmas Story, Miracle on 34^th Street (both the older and newer version), The Nativity Story, and The Muppet Christmas Carol. The few people who voted for the Muppets were particularly firm in their choice. One even sent a message with the threat “you better include The Muppet Christmas Carol in your column or else.” She didn’t explain what the “or else” was, but I’m not taking any chances.

My next two comments are going to irritate a few readers. First, The Polar Express received enough mentions to reach the second tier of vote getters. However, I cannot include it. Even with the Tom Hanks charm factor, I find the production a little dark and borderline creepy. I totally agree with the recent headline on the satirical news website The Babylon Bee— “The Polar Express Voted ‘Best Christmas Movie’ By Serial Killers.” Secondly, the greatest action movie ever made, Die Hard, received enough votes to be listed as a favorite. I did not include this masterpiece because, in my view, Die Hard is not a Christmas Movie. If you’d like to explore my reasoning, you can click the link below and read my 2020 column “The Die Hard Dilemma.” If you don’t trust me, you can go to YouTube and watch the great Bruce Willis himself emphatically exclaim “Die Hard is not a Christmas Movie.”

As for me, my favorite Christmas Movie is Nicolas Cage’s The Family Man. The plot for The Family Man is a derivative of A Christmas Carol. In this one, Cage’s character Jack Campbell gets a view of how a successful life is filled with love and sacrifice rather than money and possessions. Although this isn’t a new concept, I am first and foremost a family man myself. I fully relate to Jack discovering the joy buried inside the messiness and challenges of day-to-day living. I also love the chemistry between Cage and his primary co-stars Tea Leoni and Jeremy Piven. Add in Don Cheadle as an angel with attitude and you’ve got a winning formula.

There’s a tie for best line in The Family Man. The first is Jack Campbell’s response to his newly-discovered young daughter when she asks if he likes children— “on a case-by-case basis.” The second is when Jack is considering an affair with a neighbor and Jeremy Piven’s character states, “the fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account.” 

I was going to wrap things up with a sentimental note about how our holiday viewing reflects the wonder of the season and pulls at our heartstrings. You know, something about bringing warmth to our homes and reminding us of what is truly important. But then I looked back on the list of vote getters and saw movies like Bad Santa, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, and Scrooged. Each is thoroughly enjoyable, but clearly not what we would call heartwarming or uplifting entertainment. Instead, I’m going to offer this—find your favorite viewing partner(s), pull up a chair, grab some popcorn, hot chocolate, or cookies and have some fun. Watch the movies that make your holiday season special and enjoy a wonderful time of the year.

To read my prior column “The Die Hard Dilemma”, click here:https://bit.ly/46Umqbe .

Steven Rogers’ award-winning novel “Into the Room” is available in paperback, on Kindle, and as an audiobook. If you’d like to order a copy, please visit Amazon or his website:  https://steven-rogers.com/

December News from Steve

IT’S NOT TOO LATE to purchase my novel, Into the Room, as a holiday gift. You can buy paperback copies, a Kindle version, and/or the audiobook on Amazon. If you would a more personalized present, for $20 I will mail you a signed copy of the Into the Room, along with a customized inscription, anywhere in the continental United States. For additional information, email me at srbooksforhope@gmail.com.

Please keep me in mind to speak to book clubs, Bible studies, community groups, or civic organizations. I offer talks on a variety of subjects around writing and faith. If you’re interested in learning more, send me an email at srbooksforhope@gmail.com.

If you enjoy my columns and don’t want to miss one, please subscribe by filling out the “Follow Steve” block on my website: https://steven-rogers.com/.

Book of the Month

In 2010, legendary sportswriter Rick Reilly published Sports from Hell. All you need to know about the book is disclosed in Reilly’s subtitle— “My Search for the World’s Dumbest Competition.” For two hundred pages, we vicariously experience thirteen unique events like The World Sauna Championships, Nude Bicycling, Chess Boxing, and something called Zorbing. My favorite chapter is about Ferret Legging, a now discontinued sport where live ferrets are dropped inside the participant’s pants. Not only is the Ferret Legging chapter the funniest in the book, but the events depicted took place in my hometown of Richmond, Virginia.

I imagine a few of you are thinking “A sports book? Ah, no.” Trust me on this one. Sports from Hell will make anyone laugh, whether they typically like sports or not. In fact, I’ll offer a deal. If you read this book and don’t enjoy the experience, you can pick one of the sports depicted and make me participate. Or I’ll send along a free copy of my novel Into the Room. Your choice.

Thank you for reading!